he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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