Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
