We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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