dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
