i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
