Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
