Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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