Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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