Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
