exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
