There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
its not stalking. its research.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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