I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They took my balls.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
