dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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