She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
