I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
