Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize