Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
