Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
