wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
