i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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