Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
