I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
