Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
