I've blown a few things in my day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
