considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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