There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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