Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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