then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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