did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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