i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
