His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
