his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
