We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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