if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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