I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
