i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
