Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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