Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
