just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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