I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
