The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
