K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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