There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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