Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
