i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
