So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
