She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
