So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
