i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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