Life is so much better after having sex.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
