i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
