You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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