I can tuck mytits in my pants
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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