I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
