I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
